The Questions #14

Photo by Lili Gooch

Photo by Lili Gooch

How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?
between 6.15 and 6.45 with a kiss and I love you mummy, open your beautiful brown eyes.
Then about 2 minutes later – get my biscuits NOW please I am so hungry……. please where is my milk, get my biscuits… open your eyes, get up….. and eyes get prised open. Good morning …. then there’s a race to the loo to see who pees first.
Why adoption?
I wanted so much to parent and raise a child to send off to enjoy life and to help in that journey in any way I could, not being able to have a baby myself.
From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the
process take?
From assessment to my 2 year old being at home – 13 months.
How could it be improved?
My process was easy enough once I found the right agency (compared to many of the nightmare stories Ive since heard via the network) – but that was 5 years of making that connection. All the LAs I had contact with were not good, and with 2 frankly horrific.
What has been the biggest surprise?
Dont want to speak too soon – but how easy it all is. Its just great…… (and that’s having completed a day travelling, cars, planes, trains….)he’s just a great companion.
How was the assessment process?
I think I was a swot. I got in all the papers way ahead of time, probably talked too much. My SW seemed to get me and the final report was pretty spot on. Of course it was tedious at times, but at least I got my electrics checked and found all was great- useful when selling a house!
What’s your favourite thing to do together?
Just hanging – chatting – laughing – anything we do together is just fun. He’s great company – little adventure walks always have a great narrative. We just share stuff.
What makes you and your family laugh?
Silly voices and faces – he does great accents for a 3 year old. And tickling of course.
The best thing about being a parent?
The fun and the love and actually our own way of understanding and knowing each other. At 3 he reads my mind – its amazing…he finishes sentences.
The hardest thing about being a parent?
when at 830 he’s not asleep, and I need time out. when he plays up and up and wont listen till I feel I have to lose it with him. To worry about what might make his sad or upset. But luckily I haven’t had to experience much of that yet….Hes just so happy. (well the sad and upset – the playing up – well…. he’s full of character as they say..)
The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child?
The one that’s hard to follow, but makes the most sense, now more than ever. Live in the moment and enjoy every day, being fun and kind to those around you. And understanding of those that upset you and don’t harbour bad feelings. Smile!

What time do you go to bed?
930! time to go now…..

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The Questions #13

IMG_8668How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?
Our son usually comes into our room about 5:50am and gets into bed for cuddles and we try and catnap for 10 minutes or so together.
Why adoption?
We wanted to be a family and this was the next step for us.
From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the process take?
2 years
How could it be improved?
It was a very trying time being assessed and we felt our social worker didn’t understand us. It was frustrating and we just wanted to get approved and move on to the next chapter. I think the changes have been made to speed up the process now.
What has been the biggest surprise?
How constantly tired we feel
How was the assessment process?
Tiring but we felt we were transparent and that gave us faith to keep on with it.
What’s your favourite thing to do together?
Hugging
What makes you and your family laugh?
Us dancing together at the weekend in the kitchen in our pyjamas.
The best thing about being a parent?
Waking up and seeing his face.
The hardest thing about being a parent?
Hoping that we get it right enough so that he grows up and is a balanced, happy and joyful adult.
The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child?
To be open minded.

What time do you go to bed?
9:30pm

The Questions #12 A peek into how we do family

Photo by Lili Gooch

Photo by Lili Gooch

How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning

Daughter shouts “mum, mummy, MUM, MUUUUUMMMMYYYYY”. Son babbles to himself or cries if his babbles aren’t responded to in time.
Why adoption?

We had a still born baby girl following IVF and wanted to do something worthwhile instead. Also my husband is adopted.
Mainly we wanted a family.
From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the process take?

16 months
How could it be improved?

We started the new short assessment but due to lack of resources it still took nearly a year to be approved despite us being described as straight forward adopters.
What has been the biggest surprise?

How much I’m enjoying it. And how supportive others have been.
How was the assessment process?

Good, interesting and reassuring.
What’s your favourite thing to do together?

Outdoor play in a park.
What makes you and your family laugh?

Playing together. Tickling and rolling around cuddling.
The best thing about being a parent?

Rewards of seeing how the children have progressed. Meeting new people.
The hardest thing about being a parent?

Frustration that we do everything we can to make them happy and they don’t understand that and have tantrums.
The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child?

Just to let them be. For them to be honest in asking for what they want.
What time do you go to bed?

10.45 – 11.00 but it’s too late and we are always tired.

The Questions #9 A peek into how we do family.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHow and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?

usually around 8pm if I don’t set his alarm. He runs in with his ‘by’ his big fleece blanket bundles into bed in between my husband and I and demands the duvet on him. If it is early he will fall back asleep. He is a 12 hour kid sleep wise.

Why adoption?

we always had thought about it and liked the idea. Surrogacy wasn’t an option for us.

From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the process take?

1 year, very quick, thank goodness

How could it be improved?

Our process was so straight forward and we realise how lucky we are having now met lots of families. We were matched just before we went to panel so that part was so quick.

My son settled very well, a few ups and down, he was incredibly easy and so loving. I heard of a therapy service that provides therapy work during those first few months of placement, which are key, I think this would be so helpful to help families bond and children to settle.

What has been the biggest surprise?

Suddenly realising this little person solely relied on me to look after him and fulfil his needs constantly, every day.

How was the assessment process?

easy, straight forward. Great social worker. Can’t complain

What’s your favourite thing to do together?

Everything really. I think laughing, he is great at it and so am I. Making silly faces, chatting, cooking together. Just being together. I will miss him a lot when he starts school.

What makes you and your family laugh?

one another

The best thing about being a parent?

watching this little person grow, change, experience new things and giving my son a family that love him to the moon and back. We feel truly blessed.

The hardest thing about being a parent?

worrying if you are doing saying the right thing. Always weighing up whether certain behaviours or phases are adoption related or just simply ‘normal’

The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child?

laugh, be happy, have fun, be wise, explore the world

What time do you go to bed?

11pm, too late for us! but bed time routine is taking several hours at the moment so our evening ends up starting much later and we need down time.

Questions #8 A peek into how we do family.

Photo by Lili Gooch

Photo by Lili Gooch

How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?
If we are lucky, we wake him.
Why adoption?
Because of personal circumstance and we wanted to have a family.
Because it is great to be able to give a child a safe, loving, stable
home they might not otherwise have had. Because it is a fascinating
journey and one that makes you understand and appreciate life more
fully.
From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the
process take?
2 years.
How could it be improved?

It is less about the speed and more about the right match. Permanency plans should be (continued to be) considered for any child considered at risk as early as possible.
What has been the biggest surprise?
The physical challenge.

How was the assessment process?
Long. At times difficult and frustrating. Thorough.
What’s your favourite thing to do together?
Read. Play. Sitting on a beach with child between us, having a snack.
What makes you and your family laugh?
A lot of little things.
The best thing about being a parent?
Getting a spontaneous kiss or cuddle.
The hardest thing about being a parent?
Lack of sleep.
The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child?
Don’t judge your parents too harshly until you have children of your own.
What time do you go to bed?
11pm.

The Questions #7 A peek into how we do family.

Photo by Lili Gooch

Photo by Lili Gooch

How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?

Our oldest has always been an early riser so averages 5.30, thankfully the baby sleeps in a bit and this morning he had a lie in until 7.30 am !!
Why adoption?

I always knew I wanted to adopt after many years working in the voluntary sector with vulnerable children and I just knew it was something I wanted to do. When I met Hubbie we talked about it and he agreed that our family would include adopted children. We now have a birth child and an adopted child, both are much loved and very much our children.
From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the process take?

The long answer is it started some years ago, but was interrupted by the birth of our son. The short answer is it took 2 years from when we approached our local authority to when we were matched.

How could it be improved?

The process has been made quicker, but it does appear that it’s missing some scrutiny and consistency. We have had a number of social workers and they’ve given us conflicting information. We also had to keep asking for additional support post match which we had expected would be available to us anyway.

What has been the biggest surprise?

How well our son has adapted to our family and how we feel he is one of us.

How was the assessment process?

It was ok, but did cause some consternation when we were made to repeat ourselves and the process how involves a lot more input from prospective adopters which means the social workers are not overseeing the content as much. Overall as we had been through the process before we were familiar with it, but if we were new to it I think we’d have felt quite alone in the process.

What’s your favourite thing to do together?

We love to play outside in the garden and eat together and we have just started to take him swimming as he loves his baths so much.
What makes you and your family laugh?

We love to sing and dance together and we joke and laugh all the time – mostly at each other.

The best thing about being a parent?

I love seeing my children laughing, playing and hearing their funny comments on life. It’s wonderful seeing the joy on one of my son’s faces when they do something for the first time.

The hardest thing about being a parent?

Letting them do things that might hurt or upset them. I want to protect my children from anything that might harm them, but I know I can’t always do that.

The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child?

Kindness is a very important quality to have – one that will do well for you in life.

What time do you go to bed?

I try to go to bed around 10pm, but often it runs later than that and I always regret it when my sons wake up at an unearthly hour.

The Questions #6 A peek into how we do family.

Photo by Lili Gooch

Photo by Lili Gooch

How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?

Our son usually gets up between 6 and 6.30 and brings duvet,pillows and all soft toys off his bed and then turns into the spin cycle of the washing machine as soon as he gets on our bed. The joys!

From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the process take?

The process was 3 long years from start to littley coming home.

What has been the biggest surprise?

The biggest surprise to me was how much I resented my me time disappearin

 

How was the assessment process?

The process was fine but took forever it seemed.

What’s your favourite thing to do together?

Cuddles together watching a DVD and going for walks as a family are the favs. My husband makes us laugh when I get too serious he can always lighten the situation.

Best thing about parenting?

Watching the changes happen over the years. How little man is becoming more confident to try things and to now be more affectionate to us both. He couldn’t show affection before and it was upsetting to see him.
The hardest thing about being a parent?

Never stopping worrying about him when he isn’t by my side.Loving him so much( sometimes it brings me to tears).Being older parents means we get more tired than we thought we would.

What time do you go to bed?

Usually fall asleep on sofa around 10ish for an hour then wake and go to bed.