It breaks for the unfair start that they had in life and for the fact that I was not there for them – to care for MY sons and to protect them as a parent should.
Do those feelings ever go, do they – can they – ever leave an adoptive parent?
Will I one day be able to let go of their past and focus only on the positive that is their life today and on what the future has to offer?
They now have the unconditional love and care that they should have always had, they have protection, they have security and they have hope. They have come a long way and are different little boys to the ones who first joined us, but they are still the same children, they still carry their past within them and they always will.
And it feels like I will too.
However, it most certainly doesn’t dominate, as mostly my heart now swells.
It swells with pride for the amazing little boys who call me Daddy. It swells with each smile and with each achievement – no matter how small – and most of all it swells with love: pure, unadulterated and total love.
My heart swells for my sons and the joy that it brings is what I focus on and what I now live for.