If you had not screamed at my partner in the school playground, he could have explained.
If you had not embarrassed him in front of the school staff, the other parents and in front of the children – most especially our sons, he could have reassured you that we are aware of the problems, that we are dealing with them, that the school is involved, that we have a therapist for our son – that we are doing everything we can.
If your anger had not caught him by surprise he could have reasoned that our son’s past and the trauma he has suffered means that things are different for us, for him. He would have told you that our little boy is not a ‘bad’ child, that he is in fact a sweet and loving and thoughtful little boy who doesn’t look for trouble, but that he doesn’t know how to respond to confrontation which he always feels threatened by. He would have told you that his experiences have left him with self esteem issues and that his anger is a self defence mechanism.
If you had not verbally attacked my partner and shocked him with your aggression he could have told you that our son responded to provocation by your daughter – who is simply not as pure and guilt free as you like to think. He would have said that this is not an excuse, but that it is a reality.
If you had given him a chance, he would have apologised regardless, because we know that our son’s issues are not your issues, we know that it doesn’t make it right for him to upset your daughter.
If you had allowed him time to catch his breath and to think about his response it would have been more measured, more reasoned and it would have felt less confrontational, but you didn’t – you assumed and you attacked and you were unnecessarily aggressive and no matter how upset you were this was unacceptable.
We realise that people don’t know, that they have no way of understanding or appreciating our difficulties and that’s fine – but at least give us a chance to inform you and to help you understand.
Is that too much to ask for?