What’s coming next?

2011-07-12 17.27.34Am I the only one feeling slightly overwhelmed by all the information we are confronted with  about our kids and their pasts and potential futures?

At the moment I feel like everywhere I look I’m reminded that life is going to be difficult. – Not that it’s perfect for everyone else, but apparently it’s going to be much harder for our children.

I’m told I must let go of the picture perfect image of a happy family cycling merrily along a river towpath together, splashing through all the puddles, and replace it with something a lot darker, something unknown that perhaps I won’t be able to cope with. All in all it’s supposedly going to be to be tough and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by what’s potentially coming (it’s not ‘if’..-but ‘when’… apparently). All the anxiety inducing rhetoric and reading I’ve done has suddenly got to me. Is there a word for it? A phrase? Adoption anxiety fatigue perhaps?

What of we can’t cope? What if we mess it up?

I’m fully aware of how controversial it is to be saying all this because in many ways, it’s such progress for us as parents and for society in general  to be made aware of all the potential damage caused by early trauma and what we can do to overcome it. I get it. I just feel a little weary from it. I know it’s not helpful but sometimes I do.
My son is beautiful, funny, clever, obstinate, demanding, loving and fascinating and a million other adjectives too. Sometimes I’d rather just see him as this instead of a ticking time bomb.

7 thoughts on “What’s coming next?

  1. Thank you for summing up what I’ve been saying recently as well. I’d like to get up in the mornings and not see FASD, ADHD and adoption and attachment and trauma (mine). I’d like to just get up and have a cup of tea without worrying what Katie is up to, where she is, what’s she doing. I’ve just taken some migraine tablets…..I think that says it all really! Xx

  2. We recently became aware of the issues we may face due to the fact our children are adopted. It was after attending an adoption workshop that I became aware of the issues that may lay ahead of us but it was after speaking to a therapist that the attachment and trauma theory etc and the implications for our children was made crystal clear. My children are beautiful, wonderful, happy children but extremely hard work! Now I know why. I am not going to resign myself to a future filled with problems but plan to enjoy and take each day as it comes whilst remaining vigilant. I will deal with the problems as and if they arise. Forewarned is forearmed. My plan is to seek help sooner rather than late if I have a concern.

  3. Wow. I TOTALLY agree! One of the best blogs I’ve read……. And you had the guts to say what a lot of us feel. Thank you for this. Perfect.

  4. I sat in my six year olds snuggle buggle today.
    It’s where sometimes the teacher reads a story and you read with them. Today the children read pages to us from a book on the interactive white board THING! I was acutely aware of his barrier to learning which is most likely adoption related. He was so brave and agreed to try reading from the screen. He was so brave, blushed, didn’t get flustered or break down. He couldn’t wait to get to me. We had a big cuddle and I read to him. He always sits on my lap for his story, none of the other children do this anymore with their adults. He knew that his soft toy was in my bag and asked for it. He then took a jumper out of my bag and put Ron to bed because he was tired. We have a really good community, but I saw some looks of…… I don’t know what they were, pity? Your doing a marvellous job? Ruining their moments of glory and normalcy?

    I feel the ticking time bomb of frustration as he falls behind his peers and his loss and journey as an adoptee becomes cognitive for him.

    I also try to remember that the future of children who live with their birth parents isn’t written.

  5. I’m so glad I read your post. We’re nearing the end of stage two and all we’re hearing from our social worker is how terrible everything is going to be. I know it’s not going to be easy, but there has to be the hope that things will be fun and lovely too or no-one would ever adopt again. Thank you!

  6. I agree wholeheartedly with you. There is so much doom and gloom around. This is what Adopter Voice is doing. Looking at where support should be. Getting in there early, instead of fire fighting. We have our problems, but we also have our good times. Think that I need to share that as well. Its about being realistic, and being honest about your hopes, fears and expectations. You are doing great x

  7. Spot on – you have to make time (lots of it) for not thinking about that stuff and getting on with the love. Sometimes you are looking so hard for things that are not there it can be damaging to the relationships – all of them – when what you should focus on is the joy. Thank you for posting – excellent.

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