Any Advice Gratefully Accepted

Having read theImage 1 recent blog about sibling contact I thought I’d write asking if anyone has had any problems with direct birth parent contact. I know that to most this may seem like a strange ‘problem’ to have but here goes…
When I adopted my daughter I agreed to annual direct contact with her birth father. I didn’t want her to hit teenage years with all the possible angst that that can entail and ask why I wouldn’t let her see him when there was no reason for me doing so other than ‘I didnt want to share you’. Had I not been a single adopter and had it been her birth mother who wanted contact maybe I would have felt differently, who knows. Anyhow for one reason or another we fell through the cracks last year and contact was not arranged. I tried unsuccessfully to contact social services leaving voicemails but no one returned my calls. I finally heard from them saying they would chase it up and get back to me but they haven’t and now another year has almost gone by.
I guess what I’d like to ask is whether anyone else has experienced this and also if any of you know whether it is my responsibility to be chasing up contact. I’m also worried that a gap of two years (spanning ages three to five) will make seeing him harder for my little one.
Any advice gratefully accepted.

Photo taken by Lili Gooch

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6 thoughts on “Any Advice Gratefully Accepted

  1. Go higher, get the name of the team manager or Head of Children’s Service and write them a letter. We have often had to step over the allocated workers or speak to heads to achieve our desired result.

    • Thanks, I will keep trying. I did go to the social worker’s line manager but to no avail the first time. Will try again though.

  2. Every family is different, but we have done everything in our power to maintain what little and sporadic contact we have with Buddy’s birth family. One day when he is older it will be his choice whether to continue it, but if we don’t do the work now he wont be able to choose. It’s hard and confusing, but I think things would be harder and more confusing for him if he didn’t see how hard we try to keep them in our lives.

  3. Thanks Mamma Bear, that is how I feel which is why I’m trying to keep the contact going. It is very frustrating, however.

  4. I think Al is best placed to advise, but I believe that ‘contact’ has no legal requirement, so that’s going to affect it’s priority in the workload. I don’t know who has responsibility. We all know that it is always us who action, chase, fight for the best outcome for our children and this is one of those times. If it feel right that you should continue to chase, then do so, if not, then leave it as long as you are comfortable with that.
    I agree, escalate to top of your LA (not just SW dept). You can find email addresses on web. Tweet them too (twitter is quite powerful because it’s so public). If they have lost touch with birth dad then they at least need to let you know. Keep things in writing and store them so that when your little is older you can show that you tried your best to keep this contact. xx

  5. I am a birthmom and I can’t say that I agree that its “always adoptive families” that “action, chase, fight for the best outcome of the child”. The agency I went through has done a lot to help and has a strong desire to help in whatever way they can for all three parties involved. Also, I have reached out, expressed feelings, respected the wishes of the adoptive parents and I have been rejected. It is true that every family is different. I have so much respect for you and other families that try to maintain contact with birth parents for the benefit of your child.

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